Surprises and Transition...

I have avoided my blog like the plague lately.  The reason being I just don't know how to put into words all that I feel and am going through but I think I will try today. This blog is called "Ruth Ann Sharp Singer/Songwriter"  however, my life no longer can be split up into such clean cut sections of music and life.  I am a sum of all it's parts and trying to make sense of them all is proving to be nearly impossible.

Now that it's January 2013, I guess I will start by writing about all the transitions I had in 2012 that brought me to this very jumbled confusion of a mess I call life.

2012 started out quite happily with the opening of my studio that we had spent thousands of dollars on.  My pride and joy at it's completion was immense and I actually had quite steady work producing/engineering a few bands and clients.  I was so busy in fact that I hadn't even recorded my own music.  It was nice to be progressing and making a little profit in the business of music.  The work was challenging but very fulfilling.  My son Coby was now 18 months old and easier to handle and I even started performing regularly in early spring and summer.  Cool Right!?

Things apparently weren't meant to last... We had been noticing our neighborhoods falling standards of peace and tranquility.  Crime was rising due to the collapse of the housing market and economy and it was feeling increasingly like we were becoming more of a target than a neighbor.  I was concerned due to the considerable amount of music equipment I have collected and I knew there were many crime elements including drugs and theft looming nearby.  We had been the target of three car burglaries thus far.  The feeling of unease was soon to become urgent and move right on to DANGER...

In late spring, as I was getting Coby ready to play in the yard, I noticed some odd individuals next door over the fence.  First one helmet, then two, next a rifle barrel!  It didn't register until...KABOOM!!...A swat team had taken position surrounding a meth house directly adjacent to mine and the first line of action had been a compression bomb.  Panicked, I grabbed my son and ran for my beloved studio (the safest place I knew of in my home).  I remained there for nearly two hours before I dared venture out. From that day on, all I could think of was getting my family out of the danger and in a safer place.  My husband was unsure at first and I had mixed feelings about leaving my studio behind but five days later I was informed by a police officer at my front door to lock my doors, stay inside and wait while the K9 unit searched the entire neighborhood for a dangerous carjacker that apparently lived at the end of my culdesac.  

Well, that ended the dillema, we needed to move our family to a safer place.  Our home was worth half of what we paid so we started the short sale process and began looking for a new home.  I knew that leaving my studio would sadden me but i tried not to think about it and do the best for my family.  I also knew that we wanted a second child and that musically things would change and for a considerable amount of time I would have to live on less music and more motherhood.  

Now to the present, the short sale is now complete and we are adjusting nicely to our new home in a safe neighborhood. It is a happy, peaceful place and I feel very blessed to have it. We are also proudly expecting a daughter due in early May.   The pregnancy thus far has been a challenge to say the least but we are still thrilled to welcome her into our family.  As I type she is kicking around inside, reminding me that she is real and coming soon.  It is a rollercoaster of a ride full of wonder and fear that I will never forget.  

Music, on the other hand, has been non-existent and has left a hole in my heart. I feel the loss of my studio and personal musical life but I don't know what my next step is in the search for a career in music.  I won't be rebuilding a studio in the near future, performing is out of the question due to my physical condition during this pregnancy and the chaos that comes from a newborn will keep my passion at bay for an undetermined amount of time.  My motivation is severely lacking and I hope by going back for more musical instruction I can rebuild some confidence and enjoyment as a musician.  Perhaps I will comment more on that in a later post but for now my roles as Wife, Mother and Homemaker are calling.  The hollow place left in my heart for music will have to wait to be filled another time.