Distractions!

There is always something that is diverting my attention away from music! You would think that I could just say "to HECK" with everything else but it isn't always that easy. The things that hinder my progress are always things that I want to do. Right now, I want to finish my Christmas project for my family, plan and execute a baby shower for a good friend, clean up my childhood home for a family get together and get back on track with running my household.

All of these things need my attention, so regrettably I will have to cut down my time spent on music to be able to get it all done. If I had been smart I would have eliminated some of these things because undoubtedly, they are all things I have committed to, thinking that I am wonder woman with super powers. That's one thing about me that is a plus and a minus. It never occurs to me that I can't do all of these things.

After all, isn't anything possible?

Stumped!

Have you ever worked on something that should be simple to complete yet somehow completion escapes you? Well, I am working on something exactly like that. I am arranging a song that I wrote about 5 years ago. I have played it so many times, that I will never get rid of it from my brain, but for some reason, now that I am arranging/recording it, I can not get it to fit into conventional music terms. I am obviously missing something. For the life of me, I can't figure it out. It has been 3 days in the studio trying to make sense of it.

I have completed 4 other songs during my quest to release a new album and none of them has given me as much trouble as this one.

I suppose I need this tough song to keep me humble. I was beginning to think I had this music stuff down! I should always remember that music is an ongoing process of learning. There will always be something new that stumps me. It's exciting yet still remarkably frustrating!

The dog park

I have two dogs. Buster is a 4 year old Boxer and Millie is a 6 month old miniature schnauzer. I have started taking Milli to the dog park when I go for my walk/run at the park. I know the names of 20 dogs and none of their owners. It seems to be the thing to introduce yourself through your dog. The protocol is: Bring dog through gate. Let sniffing commence. Then announce to the person next to you your dogs name and what they are like.

I'm not saying it's a dumb thing to do. I adore my dogs just as much as the other animal fanatics. In face, I find myself doing the same thing! I think that the dog park is not so much for our beloved canines, but for our socializing too. It's easier to talk to people you don't know when there is some kind of buffer to distance yourself from rejection. "It's not that they didn't like me, they just didn't like my dog," for example.

We all have a fear of rejection. A fear that for some reason or another, we won't be good enough for someone else. The challenge is not to "not care what people think". That's like accepting that you are not good enough and you just don't care that you aren't. The challenge is however, to accept that you won't be liked by everyone. You may not be so-and-so's cup of tea. It is not by any fault of your own (unless you purposely try to be abrasive) but it is other's individual likes and dislikes that clash with your own.

Stick with those that "get you" and let the rest go their own way. With a polite smile, of course.

Goals

I went to see "Julie and Julia" last night. It's a story about a 30 year old woman who has a dead end job and doesn't like where she lives and decides to go through Julia Childs' cookbook in one year and blog about it.

I absolutely adored this movie!

I saw so much of myself in the character Julie. I think a lot of us feel the same feelings of inadequacy, failure and disappointment many times in our life. It's part of the human condition to want more, to want to become accomplished and successful, to want to feel like what we have to offer is worth while. Julie spent a year of her life working on her cooking blog. It didn't pay her anything yet she continued even when it became terribly hard to do. Eventually she did receive the recognition she wanted.

It made me think a lot about why I do what I do. I continue to work on my music because I hope one day I will be noticed and appreciated for what I have to offer this world through my talents. I'm not saying I'm hoping to become a famous "Rock Star" and make millions. However, a nice living would be ideal... I'm saying I want validation, I think that's what we all want. To be appreciated for what we do no matter what it is. I've had to change the way I view success over the past several years. My goal has been to try to appreciate just being able to create music and not get so wrapped up in making money and reaching some imaginary success point.

It's a strange thought process when you think about it. When you are unsuccessful you need to just be happy to be able to do it for free, until you become successful then you have to be glad that you persevered through all the years of hardcore nothingness and vindicated by your new found success. So..... I will be proud of what I'm doing until I am successful, then I will be proud of my accomplishments and glad to be out of the worthless nothing years when I was a complete and utter failure. That is an oxymoron if I ever heard one!

That's just too complicated to me. I think I will just keep on creating music because I feel like it. Not because I see success down the road, feel obligated to further my talents, or am afraid I will always just be an average human being. I will continue simply because I CAN!!!

My Studio

My studio has become my SANCTUARY. I spend a great chunk of my time in this small space filled with all the recording goodies a singer/songwriter could need(almost! there's always room for more gadgets). It's a lovely place that might give others a little anxiety with all the equipment and instruments everywhere.

Before last August when I decided to become a Certified Protools Operator I hated recording. My first album was such a trial that I didn't want to ever do it again. It was recorded on an eight track digital recorder and mixed in CakewalkXL. Every track was painful and difficult because I had to get the whole song in one long take. No punching in or splicing. It seemed virtually impossible at times and took me a year and a half to get my first eight songs recorded. I will forever be proud of Little Miss Nowhere because it is all mine. It isn't the most beautifully produced record on the planet but it is a personal success despite the measly 300 copies I have sold thus far.

As I was saying, last August I attended and completed coursework at TRAC (The Recording Arts Center) in San Diego. Since then I have enjoyed and even become obsessed with engineering. No, I haven't completed an album but I have been tirelessly working towards it.

I am now recording 30 new songs to be considered for my next album as well as a children's CD project of my mother's poetry. I look forward to my next success and believe it will become a reality very soon.

Wednesdays

I think it is incredibly important to have balance, especially when it comes to your passion. Mine of course is creating music. I find that when I become too distant from or too focused on music I become unhappy. It's like there is this invisible scale that is tipped if I get too far from dead center.

Therefore, I have chosen Wednesdays to focus on some of the other things in my life. Some of which are more important than music, such as my wonderful husband and some that are mundane or even "YUCKY" like cleaning the bathroom.

My schedule should be as follows:

7:30 - Breakfast

8:30 - Watch the news

9:00 - Shower/Blog

10:00 - Clean Living Room and de-clutter

11:00 - Ira's Guitar lesson

12:00 - Lunch

1:00 - Clean up time! Including the YUCKY bathroom...

4:00 - Check email/Start with dinner plans

5:30 - Kiss the hubby hello

6:00 - Dinner

7:30 - 12 mile Bike Ride

Not very exciting or interesting I know but it is all stuff that needs my attention. I can't spend every day in my musical fantasy and like it or not I need to have time as a Woman and Wife. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to add the title of Mother to my list. Oh BOY!! Did I really say that?

Looking for Direction...

I find myself wondering a lot about my music career. I have many books on the Music Business and all it's inner workings. I study them, I ponder them and yet I still don't really know what direction I'm going in. I have always felt I was running out of time and I've always been in a hurry to get to some imaginary point of success.

Am I really out of time?

When you turn 30 in the music business, it's like all of the sudden you aren't pretty enough, not established enough, not famous enough, not accomplished enough and just all round not good enough to work with. It's really sad that I have been struggling with other music professionals (producers, record companies, scouts, etc)reguarding my age since I was 25. Does this seem bizarre to anyone else? Especially since I really didn't get started until I was 23. Yet, I see the oldest, ugliest male musicians still out there "making it" while really talented females are looked over simply because they are over the dreaded "30" mark. I haven't changed much since my 20's. I'm still thin, cute, my boobs are even still perky! The things that have changed, are improvements as far as I am concerned. I feel like my songwriting has come miles from where I started, I'm a far better guitar player, and I have my own studio equipment and am proficient at using it.

Here's the kicker! As many times as you hear that the music business is all about age and appearance (apparently more so for women), I never really believe it. The optimistic side of me wants to believe that my talents and hard work will pay off. Even as I'm writing this blog, I'm not thinking I will give up, but that I will have a renewed ferver to continue on my way. I don't know what direction I will pursue? Whether it be as an artist, a engineer/producer, a publishing and licensing company, etc... I can't ever see myself not writing and singing my own music. It's a piece of my soul. It's more "me" than any other part of my life. I'd rather keep it close and suffer the disapointment and failure than give it up and lose what is uniquely mine.

Procrastination

So here I am procrastinating all of my studio work. I have 30 songs to record and write out on staff before I even think about recording for a new album and I am here writing my very first blog here at blogspot. Not to mention that I just got back from a long walk and the dog park.

I already feel like I need a nap and I haven't even brushed my teeth yet.

I guess that is my real challenge with music. It is incredibly hard to stay motivated and get a lot done when you don't get a paycheck. I love music! I love to create it... I love to sing it... I love to record it...I love to play it... but I really want to make a career out of it. It has escaped me thus far.

Sure, I teach lessons and I have CDs to sell but that hardly gives me a productive income. I have spent more than I have ever made in the ten years I have been doing music. Gary says he doesn't mind and I joke about him "supporting my music habit" but I feel weird saying that it is my career. Doesn't a career involve making a living? I am incredibly blessed to have such a husband. I hope one day I can pay him back for everything I have invested in my non-paying full-time-plus job.

BACK TO WORK!!!