"Thick Skin"

Out of nowhere I have shows scheduled.  I have been out of performing for almost a year since I left a show before performing because there was a pornographic film being played at the venue and I had my friend, mom and husband with me.  It was an aweful experience to bail on a show like that.  I had never, EVER done that before.  There has always been a sense of  powering through and "the show must go on" attitude for my performing and it was a horrible feeling to leave like that.  It really shook me up and discouraged me about performing in Las Vegas.

Now, I have three shows scheduled within a week. 

This last weekend I had a home concert in my backyard.  It was a test run to see how many people showed interest in seeing live, acoustic music in a home setting as opposed to a business venue.  I invited a hundred of my closest friends and family, prepared a mountain of amazing food and played an hour of my music. There was no cover charge but I requested donations and had CDs available as a reward for the donation. 16 people showed up, 5 of which were family, 7 church friends, 2 from Gary's work and 2 music conections.  I made $160 in donations, $90 from family and the rest unknown.  I believe it was a success!  Even though I spent that much on food and wasn't as prepared as I would have liked for the actual performance.  I even had some unknown neighbors clapping from accross the fence.  Now to play pessimist... Only 10% of my invites showed up to my home show and I prepared waaaay too much food which ate up all of my profit.

Then, I played a show at a Borders Books in Henderson last night.  My fellow performers were several female writers/poets who bore their souls in their writings and inspired me to try to be a better woman.  I was truly touched and it was a pleasure to perform on the same stage with them.  Back to pessimism... My own husband didn't want to come and support me.  I got there at 6:30, expecting to play from 7 to 7:30PM.  I didn't go on until about 7:45PM due to sound issues.  Borders forgot that the concert was scheduled and had not advertised.  There was not a big crowd, half of which seemed PUT OUT by the talents being shared.  I got up infront of them and did the best I could.  I sold one CD and traded two more.  Total made $5, $4 of which I spent on a snack for my dinner. 

One might ask, "why do you even bother?"  Or, "You must have really thick skin to keep doing this for so little?"

Here is my reply, "Having THICK SKIN, is a MYTH!!  I have and will probably always suffer not being appreciated, low CD sales, little pay for all the work I do and endure spirit crushing criticism.  I feel it all!  It burns and hurts just like you think it would.  HOWEVER, it is my unflinching determination  and will to stay on a course I believe in that keeps me inviting the pain to get the good that is so readily given in the form of creating and sharing my God givin gifts that I have so carefully cultivated! 

I WILL CONTINUE!!!