I find myself unsure a lot of the time as to what I am doing with all that I have to offer. There are also all the set-backs and step-ups that affect my choices or lack there of. Last week I played 4 shows in Las Vegas then had a family reunion. I played all of my shows with great enthusiasm and got a great response from the listeners and other musicians. I was even asked to submit some music to a national online radio station. I felt on top of the world!
Well...
At my family reunion, my mother requested that I play a few songs for my family. I played and sang out with just as much enthusiasm as my Las Vegas shows. Lets just say...The Fam was less than enthusiastic. People were talking and laughing, leaving and really just being pretty rude while I tried my best to share my music with them. It really hurt that I got a better responce from strangers in Las Vegas than from my own family. They were more concerned about when I was going to squeeze out a baby than what I have been up to with my music. I got a lot of lines like, "Your clock is ticking. How long have you been married? Etc."
I don't want to be the woman who had a child because she was running out of time and I don't want to be the nobody musician running on fumes with nothing to show for all the hard work. I didn't plan on it being this way and I certainly didn't do it on purpose. I dread the day when I am with child and the "finally" comments and "what took so long?" comments come off their lips.
Everybody needs encouragment, not to be beaten down by their loved ones. That's how they made me feel. Like no matter how hard I try, it will never be good enough.
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